We Love A Remix

Greetings and salutations, dear reader! Last week, my Waters 6th graders got to chance to read some of my writing and talk about the joys of revision. We discussed that poem revision shares similarities to revising an essay for school. We might tweak some words here and there, but ultimately we revise poems to get them closer to the feelings we’re trying to express. Revision can also look like switching up lines or writing from an entirely new voice. After reading one of my first drafts and watching me revise it in real time, students got to try their hand at revising their own work. Check out some new drafts below:

Ms. Roman's 6th Grade

To My Younger Self Juliana H.

It’s okay…

Everything is alright

Don’t spend all of your money in one go

Never judge a book by its cover

 

When you move out stay in touch with your parents

Since you were 5 years old

Talk to that childhood boy best friend that you haven’t seen

Stay positive!

Be nice to older people

Stay active

If you’re done with basketball try some new sports

Keep in touch with your friends from 6th grade

Talk to people more often

Advice to my younger self

is to be kind to others and never talk bad about anyone

My Neighborhood by Lilah K.

My neighborhood

my world of streets and cars

my path to the park, school, and much more

my neighborhood is the people walking their dogs

the people are vanilla ice cream and apple pie

my neighborhood

my world of streets and cars

 

Memories in my neighborhood

dogs playing

throwing dodgeballs

hanging out at the park

listening to musicians across the street

my neighborhood is river air

 

My neighborhood

my world of streets and cars,

the smell, the food, the people, the sound

my world of streets and cars

Imagination by Linus D.

Imagine you are in a car

speeding toward your imagination

a world where everything is positive

and away from the painful reality

turn back now

this is your last chance

stop reading

stop imagining

start doing.

Ms. Smallwood's 6th Grade

The Follower Reagan K.

It smells like the sand and the salt from the sea

Even if you are not there

It looks like a rainbow that formed a shell

Even if you are not there

It sounds like the ocean

we put it to your ear

Even if you are not there

even if you are not with the waves

and the sand and the sea

Even if you are not there

You can still feel me

A Basketball Ode Milo

There are basketballs

they are the reason

we all love basketball

all the time

 

Sometimes the balls float

other times its overfilled

maybe the ball is too smooth

or the ball is brand new

 

it just has a special spark

from the others

But none can complete

 

Sometimes I give it commands

Like go into the hoop or

maybe to stay in bounds

 

So an ode to basketballs

Record Player Everleigh H.