Revision, revisited

As all good writers know, revising is as important to the writing process as writing. Waters 6th graders went through a first round of revision some weeks back, so now they’re like old pros. To inspire revision, we watched a few slam poetry videos to see how poets express dynamic language out loud (including “Embrace Our Differences” by Solli Raphael). Take a look at students’ revised poems below and enjoy!

Waters 6th Grade

Pool Dylan L.

I wanna dive in, but
I got to go to school
I’m short
so I take the step stool
you think you’re cool
well, you’re a fool
finally
going in the pool

Orange Chicken Sophia D.

My stomach melts
I smell the drippy delight
Eyes trail to it over and over again

Is it heaven?
It looks as if it has the most syrupy
texture

It disappeared!
It’s stashed away in my stomach as if
a thief robbed it at midnight

Me! Nora M.

My heart is the Sears Tower
6th grade is a trampoline park
my paper is a shredded tree full of kids
my mind is too complicated to control
my friends are happy warriors
books are an expression of feelings